Sabotaging Ourselves ….

Hello my beloved perverts!

This last week has been challenging for me. Between my RA flaring and making my hands close to useless, and my depression issues rearing their ugly heads, I have had to fight hard not to sink deeper into my slump. As a certified extrovert, finding myself content with solitude and anti-social behavior is a serious sign of my mental state not being what it should be.

I am sure I am not the only one struggling with mental health issues during these times of (self-imposed) solitude we are going through. How are you coping? What are you doing to keep yourself busy and positive, or at least above the waters of depression? Is it music? Books? Writing? Learning a new skill? Personally, I am listening to a 25 audio book series while stitching to keep my hands busy. This is the last thing I finished:

I am curious to know ….What are you doing? Hit REPLY to share if you are so inclined. 🙂

I tried to recall a story that relates to today’s lesson, but I just can’t get my brain around it. There are plenty, but as I mentioned above, my mental capacity is a bit down just now. I have made some changes that should get me back on track fairly quickly, so … stay tuned!

The following materials is very pertinent to not only being able to be poly, but to just learn to love yourself, to realize that we are often sabotaging ourselves. We may not recognize it, but everybody does it to some degree. I hope you will take the time to read the articles, take the time to think about it and perhaps start doing some of the work to get yourself where you deserve to be!

Know Yourself to Combat Your Jealousy

There have been countless incidents, words or actions over the years to which I reacted with jealousy. It always amazed me what would trigger the emotional reaction – there were times when really big stuff (like me walking in on Drew getting a blowjob) didn’t phase me at all, while him taking his girl’s hand in public to hold it while walking down the street made me blow my top big time.Times when giggling between him and his girl made me suspicious if it was *I* that was so damn funny, when whispered words between them caused me to wonder if they are talking about me, where a gentle kiss on her neck would bring a blinding rage beyond any reason.

One of my previous partners had a saying that still rings in my ears today when it needs to:

Reason is the first casualty of emotion.

True enough in my case, and I am certain for most everyone else.As soon as any kind of strong emotion takes over, be it jealousy, sadness, new love, etc., our ability to think logically and reasonably tends to walk out the door, overruled by what we feel. Knowing and acknowledging that fact allowed me to do the work I needed to do, allows me still to have hard conversations, to avoid giving in to first impulses after an emotional response of any kind, to take the time to calm down prior to making any important decisions. More importantly, it allows me to give OTHERS the time – and sometimes forgiveness – for things they say or do while being unreasonable due to strong emotions.

How does this tie into jealousy? If we truly examine – with honesty – the root of any jealous reaction we have, it can be traced back to an insecurity we carry, or a guilt or shame over something, the worry of not being good enough, thin enough, attractive enough, intelligent enough …. Just not ENOUGH (fill in the blank).

This society we live in teaches almost all of us from very early one that we are not enough. That there is some aspect of us that is inadequate, not as lovable, not desirable, not acceptable. Well – I call bullshit on that one. Every single one of us is enough. What we need to learn is to deny our negative conscience to influence our well being, to fight against the voice that wants to reinforce that we are not enough. We all have that voice, I promise you that you are not alone.

I truly believe that if we can overcome our inner critic and learn to love ourselves for who we are, then we can overcome jealousy. You have to believe in yourself, your self worth, your value. It is hard work, I won’t lie. I still have the occasional trigger pop up, and I am sure I will continue to have the occasional jealous reaction to various scenarios. But I am not willing to accept it as “it just happens” anymore; I will dig for the WHY and work on the root cause.

If you are someone that struggles with jealousy and is interested in starting the process to overcome it, I challenge you to read these articles in the order given and start the work – its all yours. 🙂

https://www.psychalive.org/are-you-the-cause-of-your-jealousy/

https://www.psychalive.org/identify-your-critical-inner-voice/

https://www.psychalive.org/steps-to-overcoming-your-critical-inner-voice/

This is all I have for this week. I am acknowledging and admitting to not being my very best right now, and accept that it is okay. It will get better, and I shall get back to my “normal” self soon enough! 🙂

Go ye forth and be kinky! But safely!

Ms. Cenna