S/M: The Edge Of The Abyss

Hello my beloved perverts!

It has been a busy week for myself. I have a pear tree that has had a record crop of pears on it, and by Goddess – they were ready to pick! I processed (canned) approximately 130 lbs of pears …. If you are on my FB friend’s list, you have seen the pictures.

I fondly remember heading down into the basement of my grandparent’s house to get a glass of red or yellow cherries, apples, or pears that we canned earlier that year. As 2nd WW survivors, nothing was wasted at grandma’s that could be used in some way. My earliest memories are of their yard as a ‘crop field’ rather than grass and flowers. Between the fruit trees, the earth brought forth vegetables, fruits, and herbs of all kinds, and every single crop was carefully harvested and preserved for the winter time. I am grateful to those memories, and the knowledge of how to preserve most of the earth’s bounty, thanks to my grandmother.

I got to spent this last weekend at Lee’s place, and was happy to have some alone time with him. We used the time well, reconnecting and rekindling the closeness between us that is often hard to retain in these times. It was a good weekend, filled with Netflix couch-time, scarification play, needle play, and hot sexy time. I reminded myself that S/M play is a core part of our relationship, and that engaging in such a way is important to our dynamic. This led my brain down another road, which is how this week’s topic came about.

Story Time

I bet every single one of you Tops has had at least one of these experiences; that time when you got so far into your scene, the connection, the energy, the back and force of pain and pleasure, that you damn near lost control of yourself as the Top and had to call “Red” to end the scene with a jolt and suddenness that neither partner was expecting. I have had two such instances, oddly enough both at Oklahoma Leatherfest although in different years.

The first time I attended OKLF, Master Malik did a “demo” towards the end of the day involving the scourging of Painboy. For those that are not familiar with the practice of ‘scourging’, it is whipping someone with either a single or multiple tails that have metal intertwined at the end of the fall in order to rip open the skin and induce a great deal of pain and bleeding. As many of you know, my major two passions within S/M are the single tail and blood play. Watching this got my dick hard and my pussy wet; as the rhythmic blows landed without fail, as the skin ripped open and blood started to flow, I began to sink into a head space that was very primal and dark. I was transfixed on the scene, unable to look away as Master Malik and Painboy danced their dance, both of then sinking deeper into themselves, the energy and power palpable on the air. That power, that energy – it got a hold of me, entranced my deeper beast, my primal force.

When they were done, I grabbed my partner/submissive by the hair and dragged them to our room, people parting way as they saw us coming. I am sure that my primal energy was radiating, my beast peeking out of my eyes. We grabbed the toy bag and headed to the dungeon, my hand still firmly intertwined in my submissive’s hair, dragging them along. The Dungeon Master took one look at me and cleared the stage within the room and put up a cross for me. He knew, he read me, and he set me up with plenty of space for whip play (we knew each other well).

I put my partner on the cross and secured them, growling and with a deep need to swing the whip and watch the stripes appear on their back! I wanted to draw blood, to smear it all over them, to lick it up, to revel in their life force as it dribbled out of them. Malik’s beast had awoken mine, and she wanted to play …. and play we did! Oblivious to the rest of the room and the people within, I started whipping my partner, and we connected on that dark level, that dark spirituality – we raised energy, we fed each other, we growled and reveled in the sensations, the give and take …. we were feasting! My beast came ever closer to the surface, and darkness started to line the edges of my consciousness, my control slowly slipping away. I wanted – no, NEEDED – to whip harder, to see how far I could take this, to know what it would feel like if I let the darkness take over, if I let my beast take over and I myself take a backseat.

However – need or not, want or not – when I realized I was pulling out my metal-studded whips and getting ready to go to town, I came back with a snap – my partner was a very petite person with little to no body fat, and taking the metal to their back could seriously damage their spine. I pulled myself back from the abyss of darkness, clawed myself back into the light. I dropped the whips to the ground and loudly called “RED” on myself. I moved away from the cross and slid down a nearby wall, breathing hard and heavy, my emotions conflicted between responsibility to my partner, and my darker self not wanting to stop. My partner was willing to, wanted to keep going, which made this all the harder – but at the end of the day the responsibility for the scene and the safety of all the participants lies within me as the Top.

Ultimately we ended up in our room fucking the hardest we ever fucked, much to the delight of my slave whom was in the other bed listening. 🙂 The energy we raised had to go somewhere, had to have an outlet, had to be disbursed back into the universe somehow … so we fucked. Not love-making, not having sex – we fucked like animals, primal, harsh and with urgency. I don’t think we spoke at all once we entered the room; it was all urgency and animal grunts and growls until it was done.

Food for Thought:

There are a number of lessons here, and I am not going to get into all of them. What I do want to get into is the effect that a sudden ending to a scene can have, the emotional and physical impact this can cause. Its is important to take into consideration why a scene is being called – was it bad timing? Physical discomfort? The baby crying in the other room? Was a trigger hit without intent? The realization that the head-space is just not right, or that the emotional place the partners are in is not a good one?

I have often called a scene done without getting anywhere close to ‘yellow’, much less ‘red’. Why? Sometimes because my partner was obviously not “with me”, sometimes because the energy was not right, sometimes because our connection just did not work, sometimes because the action that caused pleasure just a minute ago turned into the not-good pain. Such a “soft” sudden ending of a scene has its own impact on both parties, disappointment often being the main issue to deal with, the perception of failure to please your partner another. However, I think we all know that sometimes the stars just don’t align, and that has to be okay. It is not always either partner’s fault; sometimes its just not right.

My calling ‘Red” in the above story was obviously not a ‘soft’ sudden ending, and we had to do quite a bit of work afterwards. It is one thing to acknowledge and own that you have a dark side, a beast within you; it is quite another to let it get the upper hand. Playing with the beast present can be an awesome experience, a spiritual journey, a feast above all feasts. But it does come with its own dangers and traps, and it is important to retain enough control to pull back, to put it back into its cage, no matter how much it does not want to. This right here is edge play for me; it is not really the physical activity, it is the emotional and to some degree, spiritual, edge of the darkness, the abyss. I absolutely LOVE to play here, but it takes a lot of will power and control, and one hell of a trust base with your partner. It also takes a lot of recovery time afterwards, what we call aftercare. Both parties need it, and it may not be from each other, depending on how and why “Red” was called.

I found someone that actual teaches a class on When A BDSM Scene Ends Abruptly, and rather just giving you my view point, I invite you to take a few minutes to read the blog entry regarding this topic here.

With that, I will leave you to your day and upcoming weekend. Feel free to hit “reply” and send me a note, or go to my website and leave comments on this entry once it is posted (Saturday). I would love to hear other people’s experiences in this regard.

Go ye forth and be kinky! But safely!

Ms. Cenna


FB: MsCenna Austin

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