Are You a Secondary Partner?

Hello my beloved perverts!

This last week has just flown by, and my husband having been off on Monday totally threw off my sense of “what day is it?” – like I don’t have enough trouble keeping up with that due to being mostly isolated. Therefore I find myself flabbergasted that today IS Thursday, and I am supposed to send this here blog out today! Ooops.

As I was thinking about a good topic to write about, I ran across two articles on the net that talk about Secondaries in a Hierarchical Polyamory situation. Since that how our Leather Family is set up, with Drew & I being not only the Heads of Household but also the primary couple, I am always looking for other people’s ideas and viewpoints on the topic.

I will link the two articles for you, and if you are in a situation involving primary/secondary relationship structures, I would encourage you to take the time to read them. I find them to be right on, well thought out, and well articulated.

Drew and I both have a secondary partner; not only romantically but also within a D/s dynamic. Mixing the two is challenging at times, and I often find myself considering where the line is between submissive vs. partner? When do I approach a situation from a D/s angle vs. an equal partner viewpoint? Tricky, that line, very tricky. However, that is a different topic for another time.

I am having a hard time this week due to the RA, so my energy levels have been, and currently are, fairly low. I also find that not seeing any of my people in person is very hard on my motivation to keep on going with this blog/newsletter. I feel like the give/take circle is one-sided, and it makes it harder at times to find the juice to keep it going. However … I made myself a promise to do it, so even if it is not the usual ~2000 words or so, at least I gave you something this week!

Lee and I will be teaching at Wicked Grounds (online) on July 6th, if you are interested you can find information and tickets at any of these links:

We will be presenting “Topping from the Bottom? Yes, please!”, a new class. It is based on not only my desire to bottom on occasion, but also the fact that Lee is a very accomplished Top/Dominant/Master in his own right and has skills I am interested in experiencing. We will talk about what it takes for a very dominant personality to slip into a different mindset in order to fully appreciate, participate, and engage in a scene not of their making or planning, and a submissive to step up and provide that which is asked for without loosing sight of the underlying power dynamic. I hope to see a few of you there!

With that,

Go ye forth and be kinky! But safely!

Ms Cenna

One Reply to “Are You a Secondary Partner?”

  1. As I have walked my kinky path I have discovered that my sub(s) are also viewed as partners. For me I have only had successful D/s dynamics when there is a romantic/love aspect built into the dynamic.

    My sub/secondary partner of 4 years has a primary relationship (a spouse) and entered into a D/s dynamic as the dominant partner after they and I were involved and they were collared. Their sub also has a spouse. My sub refers to both of us as their girlfriends but also specifically indicated the D/s dynamic when talking about us to anyone else. For my part I view everyone’s spouse as their primary partner and we all recognize that those commitments usually take precedence in daily life. As the dom in regard to my sub I do my best to not allow any situations to arise where my sub would have to make a choice between me the Mistress and their sub. This is necessary because the 3 of us frequently attended parties (pre Covid) so I usually made the arrangements as to play, service times etc. Plus my sub’s girl and I are friendly and there is no inclination to try to jockey for position for attention etc.

    All that to say for me I don’t view the D/s part as excluding the partnership part of the dynamic. I think this works for us (and it did take some bumps along the way to work through) primarily because the 3 of us all want and need that romantic component to a D/s dynamic so we make it work.

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