Hello my beloved perverts!
This last week has just flown by, and my husband having been off on Monday totally threw off my sense of “what day is it?” – like I don’t have enough trouble keeping up with that due to being mostly isolated. Therefore I find myself flabbergasted that today IS Thursday, and I am supposed to send this here blog out today! Ooops.
As I was thinking about a good topic to write about, I ran across two articles on the net that talk about Secondaries in a Hierarchical Polyamory situation. Since that how our Leather Family is set up, with Drew & I being not only the Heads of Household but also the primary couple, I am always looking for other people’s ideas and viewpoints on the topic.
I will link the two articles for you, and if you are in a situation involving primary/secondary relationship structures, I would encourage you to take the time to read them. I find them to be right on, well thought out, and well articulated.
https://www.amorphoussquiggle.com/polyforsecondaries.html
https://www.amorphoussquiggle.com/primarysecondary.html
Drew and I both have a secondary partner; not only romantically but also within a D/s dynamic. Mixing the two is challenging at times, and I often find myself considering where the line is between submissive vs. partner? When do I approach a situation from a D/s angle vs. an equal partner viewpoint? Tricky, that line, very tricky. However, that is a different topic for another time.
I am having a hard time this week due to the RA, so my energy levels have been, and currently are, fairly low. I also find that not seeing any of my people in person is very hard on my motivation to keep on going with this blog/newsletter. I feel like the give/take circle is one-sided, and it makes it harder at times to find the juice to keep it going. However … I made myself a promise to do it, so even if it is not the usual ~2000 words or so, at least I gave you something this week!
Lee and I will be teaching at Wicked Grounds (online) on July 6th, if you are interested you can find information and tickets at any of these links:
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4628674
https://fetlife.com/events/921094
https://www.facebook.com/events/657849388417066/
https://www.meetup.com/Wicked-Grounds-Kink-Meetups/events/271484963/?isFirstPublish=true
We will be presenting “Topping from the Bottom? Yes, please!”, a new class. It is based on not only my desire to bottom on occasion, but also the fact that Lee is a very accomplished Top/Dominant/Master in his own right and has skills I am interested in experiencing. We will talk about what it takes for a very dominant personality to slip into a different mindset in order to fully appreciate, participate, and engage in a scene not of their making or planning, and a submissive to step up and provide that which is asked for without loosing sight of the underlying power dynamic. I hope to see a few of you there!
With that,
As I have walked my kinky path I have discovered that my sub(s) are also viewed as partners. For me I have only had successful D/s dynamics when there is a romantic/love aspect built into the dynamic.
My sub/secondary partner of 4 years has a primary relationship (a spouse) and entered into a D/s dynamic as the dominant partner after they and I were involved and they were collared. Their sub also has a spouse. My sub refers to both of us as their girlfriends but also specifically indicated the D/s dynamic when talking about us to anyone else. For my part I view everyone’s spouse as their primary partner and we all recognize that those commitments usually take precedence in daily life. As the dom in regard to my sub I do my best to not allow any situations to arise where my sub would have to make a choice between me the Mistress and their sub. This is necessary because the 3 of us frequently attended parties (pre Covid) so I usually made the arrangements as to play, service times etc. Plus my sub’s girl and I are friendly and there is no inclination to try to jockey for position for attention etc.
All that to say for me I don’t view the D/s part as excluding the partnership part of the dynamic. I think this works for us (and it did take some bumps along the way to work through) primarily because the 3 of us all want and need that romantic component to a D/s dynamic so we make it work.